Caring For The Caregiver.

On an airplane, an oxygen mask descends in front of you. What do you do? As we all know, the first rule is to put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. Only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others.. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit, too.

What does “giving care” mean?

When someone you love becomes ill, you naturally want to care and support them. Giving care can often be seen as providing physical care to someone who loses their independence due to illness.

However not everyone who is ill loses their independence so the care giving role really does vary from person to person. Whatever that role becomes, it’s important to know that for you, the caregiver it’s often a new, unknown, even scary place you find yourself in.

While giving care, it’s normal to put your own needs and feelings aside. But putting your needs aside for a long time is not good for your health. You need to take care of yourself, too. If you don’t, you may not be able to care for others. Here, I hope you find some practical tips and help that support you wherever you are right now.

Coming To Terms With A Diagnosis .

Facing a cancer diagnosis in your family is possibly one of the biggest challenges in your life to date. You and your loved ones need all the guidance and support possible, to create the best healing environment . When you have had time to absorb the news it really is good to make some sort of plan. Now remember, becoming a caregiver and doing your best is not about being perfect. No individual and no family is perfect and that is a fact!.. It does give a good sense of direction if you can develop some form of open communication within your own circle before you open up to the wider community.

Asking for, and accepting help.

Believe it or not, one of the hardest things we humans struggle with is this one.It’s funny really, because we would be the first to offer help when the shoe is on the other foot. I’m sure when people have asked if they can be of help to you, how often have you replied, “Thank you, but I'm fine?” You may not wish to “burden” others or admit that you can't handle everything yourself.

When you are facing into a serious illness it’s good to take all the help you can get, remember by doing this you are making them feel useful.

Lists are great, list what kind of help you need and another one of friends that want to help

Don’t be shy about allocating jobs to friends, maybe let them choose from your list.

The thing is, life goes on around hospital visits, doctors appointments etc etc. Children have to be fed, work continues and the mundane humdrum of living has to be done .Sometimes the mundaness keeps you sane, but sometimes it's too much. So....

"Reaching out for help when you need it, is a real and true sign of personal strength".

Self Care.

Don't wait until you are overwhelmed and exhausted.

Remember, it is not selfish to focus on your own needs and desires when you are a caregiver—it’s an important part of the job. You, and only you are responsible for your own self. Initially, it goes without saying, all the attention will focus on the person who is ill and that’s understandable. Your natural reaction will have a tendency to overdo and over think everything. Of course you want to fix and make everything better. Hopefully reading this and getting support will help you to become aware of these feelings and how to manage them.

Try to

Get proper rest and eat well.

Take some time off, even if it’s only for 10 minutes.

Exercise regularly, even if it’s only for 10 minutes.

Allow yourself some head space, reading a good book, taking a warm bath, watch silly TV. Whatever relaxes you, do it.

Check out what support services are in your area. Use them as you need.

Support groups and advice in a safe confidential environment is invaluable.

Identify and acknowledge your feelings, you have a right to ALL of them.

Do not feel guilty about any of the above.

Dealing With Help You Don’t Need.

People really do mean well but sometimes they can offer unwanted help.

Thank them for their concern. Tell them you’ll let them know if you need anything.

Some people may offer unwanted advice, because they often don’t know what to say.

It’s up to you to decide how to deal with this. You don’t have to respond at all. You can just say thank you and move on.

Phone calls;

To put it simply you don’t have to answer your phone every time it rings. you need your energy for yourself and your loved one and your family.

Allocate one person to give updates via text or phone; they can relay the messages to friends etc This stops you from having numerous repetitive conversations.

Visitors.

Visitors can be exhausting and of course they are very good to call ....but do try to regulate it. .For the person who is ill they can often give all their energy to the visitor who stays for ages and goes away thinking. “Sure he/she was in great form”. You are often left picking up the pieces.

Don’t be afraid to tell callers if it’s a good time or not and how long to stay for etc. Believe me, true friends will not be insulted or take offence with this.

Acknowledge the elephant in the room.

It really is good to talk and if you can at all its good to acknowledge and share what is happening for you and your loved one as much as you can.Conversations may need to happen about practical, finincial, business, household matters.

It's okay to say how you feel. Sadness, tears, laughter fear are all normal feelings. You may feel the urge to pretend that everything is all right, but expressing your feelings gives everyone else the freedom to be honest.

There are times when words are not needed, your presence can be enough. To simply “be” with someone is a gift.