Survival

I was asked to give talk to a group of people who were all cancer survivors at different stages of their journey. It was part of the Irish Cancer Society Relay For Life event in Wexford. In the process of trying to decide what to talk about I mulled over a few ideas but of course the word survivor kept popping into my thoughts so that got me thinking about what it actually means to be a survivor. Generally we look at the end result, the success story, the happy ending, but what about the bit in between. Now, while these words were for a group f cancer survivors i feel they are apt for any time in our lives when the struggle is extra hard.

When we face a cancer diagnosis or indeed any illness we tend to automatically look at the posotive result ie the getting well bit, the 2yr/5yr mark, the outcome. A result and outcome than can take time to reach.

Then we have the people who really do mean well who tell us about Maggie or Johnny who had the same illness years ago and there's not a bother on them now! Of course they come from a good place and it's really great to hear the positive stories. I don't know about you but when I was told stories like this it was great but a little voice inside my head would say " but how do I manage to get there without going mad"

In the news this week we cannot but be touched by the story of the group of students who were rescued from the caves in Thailand. I for one was deeply moved and in awe of the bravery of the divers who risked their lives to save them so they all survived. The outcome was a good one...

What fascinates me though is how they survived minute by minute for the two weeks or so when they were trapped in the cave, not knowing if they would ever be rescued. I'm sure they faced every possible range of emotions, dark thoughts of despair, fear, terror, hope, concern t name but a few. .

Ok so the end result was survival but behind that was the daily task of coping minute by minute as they sat in darkness. I'd love to hear them speak about those moments sometime.

When I was diagnosed many years ago I was a bit obsessed with reaching the 2 yr and then the 5 yr mark but I realised it was driving me mad.

My wonderful surgeon Mr O Mahony of Wexford Hospital gave me a two word piece of advice that resonates with me in every aspect of my life especially if I'm challenged in any way. I honestly believe that when we are faced with challenges of any sort where we are stressed, we cope by gong back to basics and talking everything minute by minute, hour by hour day by day.

So to all of you who are here the two words are "baby steps"

Each and every one of you are already survivors. Think back to before you were given a diagnosis. I’m sure when you heard about someone else you would think to yourself "I’d never cope with that".

You’re here; so you did.

All of you here are at different stages of your diagnosis and treatment but if you focus on today you got out of bed this morning and got yourself here no matter how bad you were feeling.

In other words you survived.

The day you were given your diagnosis was probably the worst day of your life and your whole world was flipped right over.

But guess what, you survived.

If you had or are having surgery, chemo, radiotherapy ….no matter how tough it was you are surviving. yes; its crap and no one deserves it but something is keeping you going. Ask yourself what that is. Keep asking and keep focusing and the answers will be there.

For me survival is about little moments, if we focus on them, the bigger ones take care of themselves. Keep focusing on the little moments, as my mother used to say about money "take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves". In other words if we keep looking into the future at the end result we won't learn how to build the tools to survive and live in a way we deserve to.

Survival is getting up each day, putting one foot out on the floor, letting the other one follow and dealing with what that day brings.As each day begins find something to be positive about. You see no matter how bad things are there is always something to give thanks for.

As each day comes to and end you say to yourself, "well done me, I survived another day". As you focus on the little moments they will give you the strength and tools for the next one and so on and so on. And you will realize that you have such a powerhouse of strength within you so when another day draws to a close you will give thanks for the learning.

And of course we can't smile all the time so it really is important to vent our fears and concerns to someone we can trust. Being honest with your feelings, asking for help, and having a good cry are all acts of survival so don't ever apologize for having a bad day, you are more than entitled to.

To each and every one of you I salute you.

Before I finish I want you all to close your eyes. Place your hand over your heart, feel it beating, acknowledge its gentle rhythm. That's called purpose, you're alive for a reason.

Never ever give up.

Finally to quote Eleanor Roosevelt.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' Eleanor Roosevelt