12 days of Christmas....I Mean Corona day 6 and 7!

Day 6

My Dear Corona.

Can I just get a few things off my chest? I’m not being rude or anything but it needs to be said. I’ve decided I don’t like you very much, in fact, you are nothing but a little piece of uselessness causing pandemonium wherever you go. I hadn’t a clue what day it was when I opened my eyes and then I realised it was Saint Patricks day. He got rid of the snakes and if you think for one minute that you are going to take hold of our country you can think again you jumped up little piece of sh…it.

You do realise that you might think you are winning but helloooo you can think again.

Ok so I can’t get my hair cut and its growing like mad and I was a bit worried for a while. But then I said to myself “Bernie its hard being beautiful all the time so embrace your inner grey and let it shine bright”. Himself offered to give it a go with the dog clippers,[ sometimes there are just no words.]

I’ll just cover my legs for now though!! Ahh the freedom of being my natural self is soooo liberating.

I actually see a nation of women after all this is over, with lips teeth, cheeks eyebrows exactly where they should be, in all their natural glory.

Thanks be to god I’ve had nothing like that done, like where would I be now if I had, everything would rapidly deflate and drop, and I’d just be a big soft blob..

Speaking of de flating, I’m in flating by the day so I’m making no more buns and cakes. I’ll just finish what I have though, shame to waste the two dozen buns, tw0 chocolate cakes and 3 sponges. That’s will be it then.

See didn’t I tell you I’m able to find the positive.

Pause

Sorry I had to stop there for a minute, himself just walked in on my shiny clean floor and left footprints.

Don’t mind telling you I had to breathe for a few minutes, then he made a cup of tea and left the lid off the tea cannister and now there’s crumbs all over my shiny clean worktop. He did offer to make me one but I said “NO” actually bit my tongue as I said it

Spent the last few minutes restoring everything to its former glory of cleanliness. Then I spotted his dirty paw marks on the light switch. I’m flipping wrecked I was, so I needed a few buns to give me energy.

I think the dog has worms too so I hope they let me get her a dose in the chemist.

Actually, I’m planning on going to the supermarket first thing tomorrow, so I’ll get it then. Ill update my list before I go to bed, it’s going to be all vegetables and fruit and healthy stuff. [did I tell you that lists are essential to staying in control].

Yours

Bernie

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Day 7.

Corona or whatever you like to call yourself. Who the hell do you think you are? I didn’t sleep a wink last night and I’m blaming you. And for the record you are getting far too much attention for my liking. I’ve decided I’m writing to you early and then I’m not going to think about you for the rest of the day.

I had to spend the first ten minutes breathing before I could even leave the bedroom. Himself was snoring like a tractor, so just for the crack I accidentally on purpose set off the house alarm. I’m a divil like that sometimes, the divillment just takes hold and I can’t help myself.

Anyway, I nearly gave him a heart attack and the dog went mental so neither of them would look at me. I managed to pull on my loosest jeans and went to the supermarket, in a bit of a huff I might add. I sprayed my hands and donned my mask that my fabulously talented daughter made for me.

I’ll finish this when I come back ….

Well I’m back now and wait till I tell you what happened. When I got to the store there was a man stopping people at the door and turning people away. I hadn’t a clue what was going on but when it was my turn, he let me in.

I didn’t know whether to be deliriously delighted or insanely unhappy when I realized first priority was for the elderly.

He never even asked me my age. He just assumed!!!!!

I was so flustered that I could hardly see my healthy shopping list so I just randomly threw anything and everything in .Some sort of devilment took hold again and I found myself in the wine section throwing six bottles of wine in, [6 for 40 ……like you’d be a fool not too] .

I arrived at the checkout and the lady looked a me with one of those knowing looks. I hadn’t a clue what she was trying to portray but when she pointed to her watch and pointed to the wine the penny dropped, it was only 9am.

Mortified I was and once again it’s all your fault.

Yours Bernie